The FIRST pinge of fear…

So this is a personal posting, I am not sure i will leave it up on the blog, but it’s happening right now, so I thought I would document. I was telling a friend about Project 36, and what I was endeavoring to do, and she took a long pause, and said “we need to talk”. And it wasn’t the we need to talk, and let me give you confidence that what you are doing is smart and prudent. It was the dreaded, “Do you know what you are throwing away? You have such an amazing job”. And then it happened. For the first time in this whole process, and effort. I got a scared. A legitimate pinge of fear around this decision to leave my amazing job, high pay, and embrace a future of uncertainty beyond the project. 

I am not wealthy, I need to work. We won’t get paid for this next 12-18 months. I have sold all of my possessions to fund the build on the van, equipment, and donated what’s left against the trip costs to FMFAC. I do have a great job now, and I have been blessed to be in the position to self-fund the development this far. But now I am a little scared. Scared that who is going to want to hire back a guy who thinks he can help the world make itself better by making some films.  What if I can’t get back to my career? What if i can’t get a job at all? Will i regret this?

Of course I immediately rush over all of the reasons why I AM going to do this. Why this is the right choice for me, and what i want my purpose to be. But right now, I am dreading that chat with my friend, because what if she is right? 

Thanks for listening, this scared baby pic i found cheered me up a bit

Image

RW

Categories: RandallB3, Travel, United States

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